It’s only delusional until it works

I am currently working on a new project which I am very excited about. 🧿🧿 I feel like this is all I wanted to do, but too scared to pursue. Until now. Well, I hope I won’t lose the excitement I am feeling now. Because knowing myself, madali ako magsawa. Which has always been one of my many negative traits. My mom and my sister always tell me na hanggang simula lang daw ako, but what they don’t know is… I get easily bored. Like, one moment I am so excited to try this new thing. But once ma-experience ko na siya, the next thing I know, ayoko na pala. Yun na yon. Masaya na ko ma-try, but not interested enough to keep doing it.

It somehow makes me sad, because I ask myself, will I ever be content? Will I ever be happy sa ginagawa ko sa buhay? Career-wise, I mean, we all know by now that I am a freelancer – I ask myself, will I ever stick to one skill/offer? Will I ever be a master of something, or will I always be a generalist? Kasi I’ve tried almost everything – social media marketing, content/copywriting, podcast management, VA. And still, I don’t feel like settling into any of these skills.

Until now. 🪬

Sa. totoo lang, itong bagay na ‘to, matagal ko na siyang gusto gawin. As in kahit hindi ko siya i-offer as a service, I’ll gladly learn the skill because magagamit ko siya for myself, and this is something I used to do when I was younger na di ko namamalayan, ang daming oras na yung nagdaan. BUT I cannot say yet that I am passionate about it. But I am very interested sa skill na ‘to.

Which makes it really scary, to be honest. I personally enjoy doing this so much that I am too scared na turning it into a profitable service would kill that for me.

Nafeel niyo na ba yun?

Anyway, since I am 90% decided to focus on this one skill, it means I need to let go of the hundred things I am doing. For once in my life, I will focus and give my 100% all and best in this one chosen skill, and master it. This time, I will be patient, which is very hard for me if you know me. I am a very impatient woman. I would skip steps 1-3 if I could. But not this time. I will allow myself to be a beginner. I will allow myself to start from the ground, as if I have zero idea what I am about to do.

Makakatulong din siguro ‘to sa pride ko. I don’t want to be a beginner, sa totoo lang. That’s why throughout my entire freelancing journey, I never asked anyone for a favor. Never din ako nakipag-network sa fellow freelancers ko just so I could get a client. Everything I’ve learned and experienced – it’s on me. I paid for courses, I looked for clients on my own, and I did discovery calls, everything. Walang palakasan.

Lalo pa ngayon na I am an experienced service provider. Mas lalo siguro akong ma-pride HAHAHA but this time, I will allow myself to be a beginner again. Nakaka-miss din, to be honest. I miss those times na I would spend the entire day and stay up late at night because I have an early morning discovery call with a potential client.

Long story short – I might not write as often as I would like just because I am pouring all my energy into this little project of mine. You’d know once it’s launched.