My Breastfeeding Journey at 19 Days Postpartum.

I am having second thoughts about posting this because I don’t want to jinx any progress I am making when it comes to breastfeeding. But also, I want to document my motherhood milestones, no matter how small. So here I am.

I am a breastfeeding mom. Even before my son was born, I already made up my mind that I will be exclusively breastfeeding my baby. We all know the benefits + the amount of money we will be saving not having to buy formula milk. But more than that, I want to be able to tell myself that I was able to provide to my son his basic (and only!) need for now – milk.

BUT… Nobody told me that it wouldn’t be easy. I’ve always assummed it’d be easy. Everyone’s doing it. It’s like the second most natural thing in the world, producing milk for your child. I see a lot of people breastfeeding their children everywhere – in the mall, restaurants, park, some breastfeed their child while doing household chores. It looked so easy!! Until I am here.

I wish more people would be honest about the hardships of breastfeeding.

During my first few days of breastfeeding, my baby wouldn’t stop crying even when he’s latched. We have nurses and midwives come into our hospital room to help us breastfeed my child, help us find the right position, and help my baby latch to my breast. It was a nightmare especially for someone recovering from c-section! My husband can only do so much, and at the end of the day, it would still be me to breastfeed our child. It was depressing, to say the least – not knowing if I am producing enough milk to satisfy his hunger. Or if I am even capable of breastfeeding.

On my third day of breastfeeding, my nipples started to sore. Nagsugat nadin because, apparently, my baby is latching wrong the whole time. Sabi nila, breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful. But it was for me! Very, if I have to be honest. I would cry while breastfeeding! So the damage has been done – I was traumatized. And so when my baby turned 1 week old, I decided to exclusively pump instead of having him direct latch on me.

But even then, I wouldn’t say it was an easy journey. It’s as hard, if not harder. It was as depressing, if not more.

To tell you in all honesty, I almost gave up. I almost settled in giving my son some formula milk to compensate for my lack of breastmilk. But then I am reminded why I am doing. this in the first place – healthier baby, stronger immune system, all that stuff.

I have come a loooong way – from clogged nipples to only producing less than an oz of milk. It was depressing, and sad, and frustrating, pressuring, and… just sad, not being able to feed your son with enough.

I can say I have tried all the tips and hacks to increasing your milk output – malunggay supplements, malunggay soup, increase water intake, warm compress. You name it. But it doesn’t seem to improve my output. And you will start to question yourself – bakit ang dali sa iba, pero hirap na hirap ako? Anong klaseng nanay ako kung gatas lang, di ko pa maprovide? Should I give up? Papalakihin ko nalang ba anak ko sa formula milk?

ANDDDD not to mention that one time I was diagnosed with UTI and had to take antibiotics while breastfeeding that resulted to my son having diarrhea. Worst feeling ever.

But yeah, I never gave up.

From less than an oz, I was able to increase it to 1, and then 2 oz, and now, I am able to produce almost 5 oz per pumping session.

Tapos na yung mga gabi na gigising siya, crying, and I would be pumping, but walang lumalabas. Tapos na yung mga madaling araw na hindi ako makakatulog because binabantayan ko yung oras, feeling the pressure na feeding time na naman and wala padin ako naiipon na milk. Gone are the days (and nights) na wala akong choice kundi magpa-latch kasi wala nga akong ma-pump and he needs to feed, and I would cry while he latch on my breast, unsure kung may nadedede ba siya. Only to have the confirmation na wala because he would still cry 30 minutes after latching.

I don’t feel like I am in the right position to give advices or whatever. But if there’s someone out there who is in the same position as I was, I have one thing for you – get enough rest and sleep. More than anything, that’s what helped me. If I sleep in between feeding, I would be able to produce more than enough milk. If not, I will be stuck in 1-2 oz, or less.

And sure, drink your malunggay capsule (I am taking Natalac 2 caps/daily and M2 Malunggay whenever I feel like it, 2x a day or more, i like it cold). But more than that, get some sleep.

Not to sugarcoat things: Breastfeeding is never a beautiful journey for me. There will be times when I can produce 5oz of milk in one pumping, but there will still be times that I would produce 2oz max per pumping sesh (if I don’t get sleep or my little one would want more than outside his feeding time)

But was it worth it? Yes.